The Jupi phenomenon

In the kitchen by the sink is a plastic jar decorated with all sorts of dancing berries and whatnot and labeled JUPI (pronounced YOO-pee). I've lived here for over a month and every day I walk in and out of my kitchen at least 6 times and up until a few days ago I STILL had no idea what this mysterious Jupi was. Oh I had my suspicions - tea flavoring, fancy smelling dish soap, liquor. None quite fit the bill though. Czech people have tea with breakfast, lunch, dinner... tea socially, tea while drinking, tea with tea. These people have no desire to flavor their tea. Definitely not soap - I've only seen one brand the entire time I've been here. Shelves and shelves and shelves of one type of one brand of soap. Quite the bizarre sight when millions of variations of the same object can easily be found in America. I ruled out liquor the first week when I saw how the Czech drink. These people have straight absinthe running through their veins. They laugh in the face of liquor less than 80 proof.

Turns out Jupi is actually the Czech equivalent to Kool-aid, except in syrup form and oh so heavenly. One small jar of Jupi yields over 3 gallons of fruity fun when mixed with water!

So how did I finally find out the secret of Jupi? Upon entering our guesthouse the weekend of the PLES, I immediately spotted another bottle of Jupi once again by the sink. I wasn't the only one who noticed it. The gruesome couple (see previous entry) travelling with us squealed in delight when the Jupi was spotted and immediately rushed over.

Over the course of the next few minutes, one can only describe the frenzy that occurred in terms of Shark Week. They were the sharks and Jupi was seal island. Empty plastic bottles somehow materialized out of nowhere (turns out they had been hoarding them) and there was a mad rush to fill as much as their claws could hold.

It was through this that I put 2 and 2 together and figured out what Jupi was.

Jupi - the great uniter of men. Beloved by Czechs, hallowed by gypsies, and the answer to bottomless beveraging for cheapo American tourists.

PLES

This past weekend I received an invite to a ball in the Czech Republic, a phenomenon called a PLES. Even now, I'm still not 100% sure what a PLES actually is but from what I gather it is some sort of formal dance - sometimes with a masquerade theme - that can be thrown by whole cities/towns or by individual families. And they're congruous with an American's vision of high school prom, only with a slightly older crowd and far more mullets.

It should be known that I have an overactive imagination. With this in mind, my thoughts on PLES looked something very like a Venetian Carnevale masquerade ball, but set in a medieval Prague castle.

This couldn't have been further from the truth.

The PLES actually took place on the far, FAR outskirts of the Czech Republic in a village called Zamberk - almost Poland.


See the sign that says 'Polsko 198km'? Not kidding about Poland.

The actual journey to Zamberk was... interesting, for lack of a better word. Anyone who's taken a train through rural eastern Europe can understand this. The whole ride took about 3.5 hours, which of course was peppered with about 4 TRAIN SWITCHES. Lovely. Train steps are steep, and I seriously chalk it up to divine intervention that I didn't trip and die on the mad rush down each time.

Oh, and train restrooms? Those consist of a literal hole in the train to which the toilet empties onto the track.

Time after time again, the Czech people astonish me with their grasp on basic modern sanitation.

So we arrive in Zamberk to a mixture of rain and snow, miles of dirty muddy roads, and a 30 minute walk to the guest house we were allowed to stay at, courtesy of a friend. This walk was not something I was thrilled with. I do have to say though, that the actual village was so quaint - something out of the beginning scenes of Beauty and the Beast where the French villagers dance around celebrating basic day to day life.

The guesthouse exceeded expectations honestly and I was more than psyched to finally be able to relax.


So freaking cute - I would have loved to be here in the winter with the fireplace and sauna going.


Also came complete with a super huge, super cuddly hunting dog who had no idea what I was saying to him, but responded appropriately by knocking me down and licking me to death :)


Isolation as far as the eye can see.

Due to the fact that we literally had less than 2 hours to get ready for a formal event, the getting ready process consisted of a panicked frenzy involving three girls competing for one bathroom. And there was a lot of corsetting involved - which, fyi, sucks.




The dance itself was a little hillbilly, complete with a polka band. I kid you not. There were a lot of horrific outfits - hair dyed unnatural colors to match dresses so ugly they didn't even make the 80s bridesmaid cut. Mullets and etnies sneakers paired with ill-fitting plaid suitcoats. A LOT of dirty dancing to ABBA.


Note the firetruck red hair and dress.

The worst was the girl who set up the whole excursion and her boyfriend who were probably the most gruesome out of this whole spectacle by being exceptionally cheap to the point where decisions were made over 4 Kc. This translates to less than $0.20 in American money. Just a little comparison so you can see how RIDICULOUS these people were.


The gruesome twosome.

Above all, it WAS fun though. Ashley and I both looked fabulous but then again it's hard not to in a sea of mullets and post commie bridal fashion.

I love the nightlife.

Some overzealous fashionistas at Radost FX

Prague nightlife is amazing.

I don't know how else to describe it. Everything about day to day typical Czech life echoes old Communism values - except for the nightlife. These people know how to party. A typical night out starts around 8:30 PM and doesn't let up till about 5 AM - unless of course you're ready for an afterparty. If that's the case, then there are a handful of clubs rumored to be operated by the Russian mafia (ex KGB?) that don't seem to follow the curfew.

In the past 2 weekends I have been to the following places:
The Batalion
La Fabrique
Radost FX
Futurum
Chapeau Rouge
ZanziBar
Termix

I am absolutely exhausted.

What's interesting too is the dresscode here. I've seen everything from sky high stilettos, to some guy literally wearing denim overalls (just as horrific as it sounds).

And of course, in typical fashion, I have frequented and am now a huge fan of the gay clubs here. Lucky for me, my first friend here was a fellow fag hag so I was introduced to the world of beautiful men and fabulous house music early on.


The very gay, very packed Termix


Ashley, Peter, Kevin, and I posing as doubledaters


ZanziBar has a MASSIVE menu of every cocktail imaginable

So far, very impressed.

Except with the denim overalls.

Peeing statue.

During my nightly city explorations, I came across this delightful piece of art close to the Franz Kafka museum:



They are some sort of animatronic statue so the figures aren't just stationary fountains, but dynamic in their realistic movements. Almost too realistic. It's actually kind of creepy.

In addition to the moving and shaking, the figures actually pee out famous quotes from the Czech. But that's not where it ends, no no no. To make things even MORE creepy, if you send a text to a certain number, the quotes will be interrupted and the figures will pee out your message.

...

For the full effect, I'm including a video I found on youtube about this. Y'know, as backup evidence just in case you were crazy enough to think I could make up something like this.

Peeing statue

In America, public urination will get you arrested and labeled as a sex offender. In the Czech Republic, not only is it ok - they build a statue commemorating it.

Not quite.

Looks like the Czech people have mastered the science of parallel parking.

First day of work.

Wednesday marked my first day on the job at the Academy of Sciences in Prague. Important sounding name, right? The building even looked important with the European Union and Czech flags flying high against a dramatic backdrop of the city. Surely an important looking building of academia in the heart of Prague would serve as a beacon of enlightenment in the sciences and a cutting age resource center for all the latest procedures and equipment.

Alas, I was poorly mistaken.

The first thing I saw was a sea of sandals and socks. Oh no.

In no way can this end good.

I sucked it up like a champ though and continued on with my new boss Aleš, who was busy introducing me to the staff. Aleš is the type of guy that you'd want around if you were stuck in a deserted forest somewhere with a grizzly slowly going in for the kill. He's huge. And he wears flannel shirts. And has a ponytail longer than mine. What was bizarre though was that halfway through whatever he was going to say he would interject with a, "hoo-hoo!". I was kind of hesitant about this but I let it slide since all science geeks are off their rockers so I'm sure this sort of behavior is acceptable.

Later I found out he had Tourette's.

The particular lab I work for in the Academy is part of the Institute of Physiology and focuses on the neurophysiology of memory and computational neuroscience. Aleš showed me around, introduced me to everyone - all of whose names I can barely pronounce. Everyone seemed real nice and friendly, despite being Czech and wearing socks and sandals.

Finally he introduced me to the rats.

I hate all forms of vermin. However, if you want a science job usually you have to get past this since this is all you work with. Besides, I feel like it would not go over well if I refused to work with rats, after they went through all that work to bring me out to eastern Europe.

So I swallowed any revulsion when they showed me how to prepare them for the behavioral tests by attaching the diodes and electrodes and whatnot.

I bit my tongue when they showed me how to hold them in such a way that it almost seemed like cuddling.

But everyone has their limits.

Where they draw the line.

Throw down the gauntlet.

My breaking point was when, in the name of stress free environments for the rat, my boss insisted that I carry the rat around ALL DAY in my lab coat pocket. Y'know, just so he could get used to my scent.

Just me and the rat. Chillin.

This sort of thing would NEVER happen in even the most backwash lab in the US. I think there are about 300 codes that violates.

I wish this was the most bizarre thing that happened while I was at work that day. But no my friends, it gets worse, and if possible, MORE unsanitary.

There is a special lab room where the injections are given to the rats. Tomas was showing me how to give an injection of a beta blocker into the intraperitoneal cavity of a rat. My gut reaction was to freak out in the name of sterile technique once I saw him take the rat, sans gloves, and stick it with an unsanitary needle.

No gloves.
No sanitation.
No mercy.

The chain of events that ensued seriously made me question all I know in modern science.

Tomas pricked the rat too deep and the rat started to bleed a bit. In between juggling the bleeding rat and a paper towel, he stuck himself in the finger with the needle of beta blocker. A muscle relaxant. So now he's bleeding. Keep in mind that he is, of course, without gloves so his blood is mixing with the rat blood. He somehow manages to get the rat back in its cage and wipes the blood off the counter with just a dry paper towel and leaves it there.

And then the unspeakable happened.

The finger thats bleeding and covered with rat blood is inserted into his mouth in order to clean it off.

....

Let that sink in for a second, along with all the implications.

Horror.

Grocery shopping.

My first night here my roommates were really nice about everything - mainly not forcing me out into the cold to fend for myself and find my own food. The opened the fridge to me and ...all of the 3 things in there were offered.

On my way home from work, I figured now would be a good time to pick up a few things in order to return the favor. It seems like they only buy for a few days at a time, so doing the same seemed like a good idea.

Prague hasn't seemed to jump on the supermarket bandwagon yet, so I was forced to go to the local Polish mini grocery store and begin my foray into food buying here. I was instantly greeted by a man with a long ponytail and socks with sandals. Not a good start.

During this entire endeavor, I also forgot that not only do I not speak Czech - I can't read it either.

I WANTED to get ham and cheese for sandwiches... thanks to some shoddy labeling and no pictures, I got imitation butter and some sort of meat that can in no way be edible. Great.

Even better - nothing was refrigerated in there. The cheeses, the milks, the meats. Nothing. Either the Czechs like to play russian roulette with their intestines, or they're genetically engineered to withstand this sort of biological warfare. I am certain that I will catch some sort of parasite before this internship is done.